I couldn’t resist. I found an old stack of Conan comic books buried in my library of assorted things and thought how appropriate barbarians are to marketing. So, I… um… re-wrote a panel relating a branding principle. Enjoy!
Aped with apologies to the artists and writers of Conan.
Coffeehouse Junkie 
Why apologize? It’s possible that your verbiage may “be better” than the original. Of course, unless you tell us what that was, the world may never know.
The aped material can be found in the July 1973 copy of Conan the Barbarian. Writer/Editor: Roy Thomas. Artist: John Buscema. Inker: Ernie Chua. Colorist: Glynis Wein. Letterer: John Constanza. Actual art occurs on page 26, panel 1.