A number of poetry submissions were sent out this weekend.

The one thing I abhor about the whole process is the “write a brief bio” portion of the submission letter. I mean, shouldn’t my publicist do that (not that I have one).

It’s like an intellectual swimsuit contest for a literary pageant. How do you look in a two-piece swimsuit with a tiara on your head? If you fit the definition of intellectual beauty and you’ve been published by notable literary magazines than you avoid the slush pile. If not, try finding another line of work.

So, here’s a new bio I wrote to accompany my latest submissions. It’s me in a red thong with a bright yellow Wisconsin cheese wedge on my head.

Bio: I am a cultural creative theory slut from Asheville, NC who is considered by some a true postmodernist. I collect hard cover books in foreign languages, eat critical theory articles for breakfast, bath in Icelandic and mythology and digest ancient manuscripts for light reading.

Do you think it’s too over the top?